


Girl Talk

by LyingTurtle



Series: Goddard Business Casual [2]
Category: Wolf 359 - Fandom
Genre: Maxwell's sexuality is the topic at hand, overbearing coworkers, protective kepler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 18:17:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13576245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyingTurtle/pseuds/LyingTurtle
Summary: “But what if she's falling in love?”“Then she can fall out of it!”In which Maxwell becomes the topic of discussion against her will and her coworkers try and get to know her better the only way they know how.  Also featuring Warren Kepler attempting to have business appropriate conversations and failing.





	Girl Talk

**Author's Note:**

> So slightly larger installment of the ongoing series I've undertaken. Myself personally I enjoy reading all the different ways Maxwell is or isn't sexual but this is my head canon on the matter. Thanks for reading!

“So” Jacobi sighs, leaning back in Keplers passenger seat, “This is what it's come to”

“Are you saying we shouldn't be here?” Kepler asks, almost sarcastically because they both know they shouldn't be and yet they definitely aren't going to leave.

“I'm saying that if you told me when I took this job that a year later I'd be spending my very limited free time outside the house of one of my coworkers in the dead ass of night, I'd think I must have been very drunk”

“I am fairly certain you were very drunk”

“Hey, this isn't working hours, I can serve it right back if I want to” Keplers eyes narrow a little bit, the lamplight looking like fire in the corners of his pupils.

“It's always working hours, Mr. Jacobi” Jacobi gave a long sigh, leaning back even farther in the seat.

“You sure got that right”

The sound of a car catches both of them by surprise and immediately they perk up in the seats.

“Get the thing! Get the thing!” Jacobi gestures madly towards the box that lied between their armrests. Kepler flipped the switch and then cranked the dial, turning static and electric whipped into a more palpable sound quality.

The front door to the house opened up as Maxwell stepped out. Her hair was put up and while she wasn't dressed to the nines, the soft blue dress that rested delicately in straps on her shoulders would have made even a modest man glance her way. She was smiling to the woman getting out of the red truck, calling out something that only came as static on their end.

The woman looked older than Maxwell, bouncy hair bleached blonde ran down most the length of her back, complemented with the most obtusely red dress Jacobi had ever seen.

“I don’t like her” he muttered as she embraced Maxwell in the door, whispering something into her ear that made his friend giggle. The Maxwell he knew didn’t giggle. Something was terribly wrong here. “I think it’s a trap”

“She’s very pretty”

“She’s a tramp”

“A pretty tramp”

“Sir!”

“Stay objective Jacobi! Remember the purpose of this mission!” Jacobi let his head hit the back of the seat at the same time the front door closed. Kepler tuned the dial more, back and forth between the sweeping waves of static. The neighborhood was asleep at this hour, Jacobi wished he was asleep, but he knew that in the grand scheme of things it would all be worth it.

Earlier that day:

“Sir, did you notice it yet?” Jacobi whispered, sitting on the edge of Keplers desk even though he had been threatened with the loss of a finger if he stayed.

“Those are dangerous words during your performance review” he didn’t look up from the papers he was shifting through, making little pen marks here and there even though Jacobi knew for a fact they meant absolutely nothing.

“Pre-annual performance review, not the same thing. I can’t believe you really haven’t noticed yet though” the mocking tone in his voice made Kepler raise his head, papers down flat on the table, all attention completely focused on his subordinate now. Just like how Jacobi liked it.

“Notice what? Because for your sake I hope it is the newest wonder of the world”

“Look at Maxwell” he grinned, gesturing towards the wide office windows that overlooked the desks he and Maxwell used when not in their respective laboratories.

“She’s hard at work, like how I wished you would be” her fingers danced across the keyboard, mouthing words silently as she typed. Every so often she would pause as if forgetting something, only to sip from the peppermint mocha Jacobi had taken the liberty of providing for her, returning to typing a moment later.

“Okay now look at the collar of her shirt”

“Mhhmm”

“Then go down to the very front”

“Uh huh”

“And tilt your head about thirty six degrees to the left”

“Oh”

“Yep” just at the inner corner of her shirt resting beneath the first button was a small purple bruise with a dot of red in the middle in what could only be the suck of a hickey mark. Maxwell paused, feeling eyes upon her and turning to look into Keplers office where he was very animatedly pointing to papers in his hand, only to have Jacobi even more animatedly deny them. She narrowed her eyes but then returned to her work.

“Think it’s a boy or a girl?” Kepler asked, leaning back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head.

“Definitely a girl, it has to be”

“But you aren’t sure”

“Well- I mean she never said for certain she’s one way or another”

“Interesting” Kepler muttered, both of them casually staring at her, different scenarios playing through their minds, curiosity creeping inside infectiously. “I did see her talking to one of your R&D techs the other day. He was one of the younger ones”

“Richard? No way, he’s disgusting. I saw her smiling with that one woman in diagnostics”

“Lynette? She’s got two kids! And besides, she was giving her banana bread then”

“Dammit you’re right, she loves homemade bread. It has to be someone outside of the company” they both continue to stare at her, shamelessly trying to imagine her with either of the sexes to figure out which one seemed right. “Oh I’ve got it, we can look at her fingernails!”

“Her fingern- Jacobi! That’s… actually a pretty good idea. But it wouldn’t give us a definite answer, she never wears fake nails. No, we need to get answers from her by any means necessary” Kepler leaned forwards to grab a file in the very back of his desk drawer, Maxwells name written on the side of it.

“You did not keep go to files on us inside your desk!” Jacobi gaped. Kepler stared up at him, honestly confused.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because that’s… creepy?”

“Why?”

“Usually that’s where people put deeds to property and stuff” Kepler blinked slowly, not showing any sign that he felt there was anything he needed to explain, like they were one in the same, “Nevermind, I’m just going to forget I saw that. What’s your plan?”

“Just watch. Maxwell!” he yelled, loud enough for her to put her head up and see him gesture her inside. She saved her work quickly and then opened up the door to his office.

“You called?” she flicked her eyes between the two of them who in her opinion were borderline scowling with seriousness.

“Yes, it’s been called to my attention that I don’t have your updated information on hand” Kepler said quickly, almost a little too quickly.

“Oh, well what information do you-”

“Is your current address still 133 Westwood lane?”

“Yes”

“Any pets”

“No”

“Most frequently visited eatery?”

“T-the Waterdog cafe”

“Dependents living with you?”

“None”

“Number of firearms stored in your home?”

“Three” Kepler waited, “Okay, eleven”

“If your neighbors had to describe you in one word?”

“Uh, quiet?”

“Your partner's name?”

“Daniel Jacobi” this made him pause and falter a moment as though surprised by her answer, giving her the red flag that these weren’t things actually written down on the sheet. “You know, I could just fill in the information for you”

“That’s alright it has to be in my handwriting”

“Let me see how you spelled Westwood”

“It’s spelled correctly”

“I have to give a sample of my handwriting at the end of this don’t I? Let me see the paper”

“Alana what’s the name of your boyfriend?”

“Excuse me?!” she took a step back, not sure if she was more surprised by the question or hearing Kepler say ‘boyfriend’

“I told you it’s a girl!” Jacobi yelled, smacking his hand against the desk.

“Daniel!” she snapped, bringing him back to reality. “What on earth has gotten into you two? What is the meaning of this?”

“Maxwell” Kepler sighed, leaning forwards on his desk and lacing his hands together in front of him, “Have you run into any doors lately? Tripped on any wires? Gotten punched anywhere?”

“No of course no-” her hand immediately went to the open top button of her shirt, all the blood in her body quickly rising to her cheeks. She looked to Jacobi who gave her a sympathetic shrug. “Alright, I see your point. I’m very sorry it has to come to this but you two leave me no choice” she took out her cell phone, dialing one of her quick call contacts. Kepler and Jacobi shared a look, neither one knowing what exactly was going on until the phone started ringing.

Maxwell sighed a little to herself, putting it up to her ear and waiting for the other person to pick up. Kepler actually got out of his seat and stalked around to stand behind her, clearly for the intention of listening in to the conversation but willing her to say something against it. Finally the other end connected with a painfully familiar voice.

“Mr. Cutters desk, this is Rachel speaking”

“Hello Ms. Young, It’s Alana Maxwell… yes you told me to call if there was any trouble with him-” Kepler snatched the phone from her hand and ended the call abruptly, cold fury pouring from his eyes. She blinked up at him innocently. “It’s title seven sir, of the civil rights act. You’re familiar?”

“You break the law for a living, Alana”

“Yeah but I’m a woman who breaks the law” she sneered, “Maybe I’m even a gay woman who breaks the law, but you aren’t really allowed to ask that so you’ll just have to stay out of my romantic life” she gave each of them a smile then let herself out and returned to her desk to grab her keys, “I’m taking lunch early by the way”  
They watched her leave, both impressed and completely peeved.

“Mr. Jacobi” Kepler cleared his throat, leaning against the desk beside him.

“Yes sir?”

“What are your plans for this evening?”

Current time:

“Turn the dial this way more”

“Jacobi I am perfectly capable of working this equipment by myself”

“I know, I know… But I think you should turn it more th-”

“Jacobi if you do not stop backseat eavesdropping then I will turn this car around!”

“Fine” he shrugged, pretending it didn't bother him watching Kepler do the signal tuning wrong. The lights in the kitchen of Maxwell's house had been on for about five minutes now, nowhere else in the room lighting up. “Why wouldn't she tell us if she were dating someone?” He asked out loud, mostly asking himself because he knew Kepler would come up with some bullshit answer.

“Because we spend an increasingly strenuous amount of time together and we all have something to hide from one another. Little secrets keep you safe from over familiarity” Jacobi looked forwards and blinked. Okay maybe not bullshit this time. Was he hiding something? He tried to think of anything worth noting that the two of them didn't already know but failed to pull something together.

“I know you like fast food more than you let on” Jacobi offered, not sure if Kepler would appreciate his guessing game that much. They ate a lot of food on the go in their line of work, especially at establishments where cash was common and no server could remember their faces. But even then it was easy to tell the difference between someone who begrudgingly ate it and someone who indulged in their routine. Kepler only nodded slowly, not elaborating further but not outright telling him he was wrong.

“I know you still drink” embarrassment rushed to his cheeks, making him turn away and look out his side window to scan the empty neighborhood for threats. It wasn't a secret that he had a problem, nor was it a secret that he refused alcohol at functions or social events. Kepler must have seen something in his apartment or noticed it on his breath before. He didn't have a problem with it now but he also wasn't in the habit of making people worry that he did. Something about toeing that line made him feel weak in his bosses eyes.

“And apparently Maxwell dates girls”

“Supposedly. This could all be an act”

“How would this be an act? She didn't know we were coming”

“She could have paid a stranger to come to her house and convince us she doesn't have a boyfriend”

“What would you do if she does?” He asked honestly, folding his arms and trying to appear casual. The question he wanted to ask was ‘what would you do if I had a boyfriend’ but he wasn't feeling brave enough to open that can of worms tonight.

“Nothing” Kepler said quickly, adjusting one of the antennas.

“Really?”

“Yes. It's her private life, she's smart enough to know what she wants romantically. I just don't appreciate her being concealed about it”

“So you'd be completely fine with her dating a guy? No hesitation whatsoever?”

“Isn't that what I just said, Jacobi?” He snapped, turning back to the dial and focusing in on the vague outline of voices.

“Fine, fine. It wouldn't be that different anyways. I mean, she'd probably answer her phone more often, she'd have lunch plans outside of the building, he'd probably show up to pick her up after work sometimes. She'll probably start spending more weekends with him too, less overtime in the office. Do you think they'd hold hands? Maybe he's really into PDA, she'll run up and give him a kiss when she sees him, he'll put his arm around her and call her ‘babe’. She'll probably start wearing makeup-”

“Maxwell doesn't wear makeup” Kepler snapped, no small amount of hostility in his voice, the discomfort that had been building up reaching a breaking point. Jacobi shrugged, giddy with how much denial the other man was in over this. “She will keep all interactions or mentions of him outside the company and adhere to her normal behavior, that is an order!”

“But what if she's falling in love?”

“Then she can fall out of it!” Jacobi had to put his face in his hand, unable to stop the infectious laugh taking over him. Kepler turned straight forwards, embarrassed but still annoyed at the whole concept. With Jacobis inability to keep his humor from being at Keplers expense, he swiftly directed all that energy at him.

“And what about you?” Kepler snapped, “If she starts dating a boy do you really think he'd like having you sleep over at her house so much? Think he wouldn't have something to say about sharing a hotel room with her all the time? How many best friends do you have again? That's an awful lot of time to yourself if someone new comes into the picture. Not to mention if she's with a girl she won't need a ga-” he cut himself off with a forced clearing of his throat, leaving Jacobi to blink widely at him. Was Kepler just about to say ‘gay best friend?’ There was no way, Jacobi could not fathom the world where Kepler would actually say that to him.

“A what, sir?” He prompted slowly.

“A gamer friend. Women naturally work better in teams than men do, she'll probably be more successful in video games with a female partner” Jacobi couldn't pick his jaw off the floor.

“And the worst save of all time goes to Warren Kepler”

“What did you just whisper to yourself?”

“We do perfectly fine together with video games, thank you very much”

Jacobi finally had enough of watching Kepler adjust the signals. He reached out towards the dial, Kepler pulling away quickly to keep their hands from touching. Working the dial back and forth while also moving the finer tune dial, he was able to focus in and get an audio that was just enough voice to be clear over the static.

“The light in the kitchen just turned off” Kepler informed him.

“It's alright, I'm locked on now, we can follow them” the footsteps were only intersected by small laughs or things muttered that were just low enough to not be picked up. The static began to overtake the sound as they changed rooms.

“I thought you said you had them!”

“I do, I do. Why did you have to sign out the worst piece of equipment used for spying?”

“All the usual mission gear is under AI surveillance, and I know they're working for her” Jacobi nodding to himself, finding it absolutely true. There were only so many times the vending machines ‘accidentally’ drop two candy bars at once.

After a couple of minutes Jacobi finally got the signal back, stumbling upon it more so than finding it. He turned the volume up as high as possible, filling the car with static briefly before the sound came through.

“Oh my god, that feels so good, aaaah” Kepler punched the machine so hard the off button stayed jammed inside. The two sat silently in the car, the high pitch feminine moans still ringing in their ears. Eventually, Kepler turned the car on slowly and began backing out.

A handful of hours later back in the office:

“Good morning” Maxwell greeted, finding she was the last one to arrive in the office. Kepler and Jacobi both muttered a greeting, more absorbed in looking over the comparisons of notes on a mission that was poking up flags in his review.

“You know, it was the funniest thing last night. I could have sworn I saw a car watching my house from the street last night” she had a glow about her that made the both of them extremely uncomfortable.

“Did it give you any trouble?” Kepler asked, not looking up from the papers.

“No, and it was gone by morning so I probably won't get murder kidnapped in my sleep”

“Good to hear” an automated telemarketer could have given more emotion.

“Oh and by the way Bethany is doing great, she says she'd be fine to get dinner with everyone if you're up for meeting her. I’m fine with cooking but if you'd rather eat out-”

“That won't be necessary” Kepler cut her off sharply, handing the papers to Jacobi before muttering something about needed to speak with someone as he headed out towards the door. If they didn't know better they would have said there was a bit of color about his face. As soon as the hinge clicked into place, Maxwell bashed Jacobi over the head with her jacket.

“Hey!”

“Daniel you are forbidden from stalking me! I expect this kind of thing from him but you know better!”

“You knew we were there?”

“Of course! That's why I paid Bethany to come over”

“Paid- who is she?”

“A prostitute I know” Maxwell leaned back in her chair, folding her arms behind her head and feeling like the king to the world. Jacobi didn't know how to tell her she picked up that pose from watching Kepler too much.

“So it was all an act? You knew we'd be coming over so you pretended to have sex with a prostitute posing as your girlfriend?”

“Uh, okay well I actually did sleep with her. Next time I won't have to moan that loud though, that part was an act”

Jacobi watched her with a mix of adoration and bewilderment. For all the credit he gave Kepler for being a mastermind with people and illusions, he felt like a special kind of achievement had been made on her end.

“Alana, why haven't you told me about who you're into? Or lack of being into people in general? I mean you know about me, and I didn't want to pry into your business unless you offered it up, but why keep it so close to the chest?”

“It's just confusing” she shrugged, “I don't like most people, I don't feel like I have the same kind of reproductive drive that other people do, and then it varies so much between the kind of people I like that I just don't really have a word for it. I don't like having that much uncertainty about anything. You clearly have yourself more or less figured out even if your choice of men is deplorable. I guess I just wanted to wait to tell you till I felt like that too”

“You're a perfectionist, you know that right?” He smiled, kicking her under the table. “Also how did you get that hickey?”

“Oh, I accidentally hit myself with the shower head. Shut up! It is not that funny Daniel, it happens to the best of us”

“Of course it does” he wiped the side of his eye, clearing the water from it, “But also, please tell Kepler you aren't dating anyone, he's actually worried”

“Aww, that's sweet. I think?”

“He loves you a lot” Jacobi pressed his foot against hers under the table, getting a smile out of her.

“In his own way”

“I love you a lot too” she trapped his ankle between both her feet like a claw until he put his other foot on top to keep her from pulling him down beneath his desk.

“In your own way”

“Also ‘eating out’? Really? Were you trying to give him a heart attack?”

“It's all about little victories, Daniel. Little victories”


End file.
